Feeling Alone In A Season Of Joy

 

The official holiday season is upon us.  A time to be joyful and happy.   But for oh so many it’s not quite that glowing a time.  In fact, it’s the opposite.   And because the hoopla is so high and dazzled with such excitement, the low tide of those feeling anything but, is expansive, magnified and intensified.

The idea of gathering together in relationships and family connections, digs that hole even deeper into the heart and soul of those sailing alone.  And those who are seemingly externally connected may also feel that pit of despair, hopelessness and emptiness to the core, oftentimes unbeknownst to their loved ones.   Feelings of loss are hollowing during a time of expected rejoicing.

And so for all those suffering through this “should be” happy season, your pain and loneliness stands atop of the mountain with open arms to a world larger than your sight.  It is understood, it is acknowledged, it is felt, even if by only a few.

But here’s the key: it needs to be understood, acknowledged and felt by you, the one who stands alone in pain.

• Befriend your pain; let yourself feel it.  It won’t shatter you.  Accept that it is a part of you right now and let that be O.K.   Sit with it and talk with it like you would to a friend.  Be your own friend, comforting and soothing, not dismissive or judgmental.    Otherwise, the more you resist it, the bigger it gets.
• Step outside yourself and go do for others.  There’s no greater feeling than making a difference to someone else.  Giving gives us a sense of meaning and reminds us we’re not here to simply take up space.  Smiling at someone else also warms our own hearts.   Visiting someone else who’s alone or going through a rough time can lift our spirits knowing we have something to give; and that something is ourselves.  No matter what, you are powerful and important even if you don’t always feel it.
• Nourish yourself with small bits of pleasure.  Create your space with things you like: pictures, quotes, scents, flowers, candles, books.
• Write a note of gratitude to one or two people in your life- people who’ve had some positive effect on you, who ignite warm feelings in you.  Even if you don’t send it or give it to them, the writing of it creates good-hearted feelings and gets you reconnected to something positive.
• Think back on a time when you did really well at something, anything; a time when you were proud of yourself and how you handled a situation.  Write it down, including the details.  Again, this will trigger some good inner feelings.

 

Know that a holiday season is just that – a {short } time period.  This too shall pass.   The heightened glitz and the in-your-face Kodak moments of happy people rejoicing together will be over.  Ordinary life will resume and you may have become better friends with yourself, more loving and compassionate.  And your {possibly} slightly more positive feelings may begin to radiate out a bit, creating some connections and lessening the pain.

 

 

May you find comfort this holiday season.