Difficult times manifest differently for each of us. What feels like a mountain to one person may seem like a hill to another, but there’s no right or wrong when it comes to hardship.
Whether it's grief, a loss, a breakup, or a sudden life change, the weight of emotional distress can feel unbearable.
In these moments, it's easy to retreat. You may want to withdraw from life, disappear into solitude, and shut the world out. As a grief counselor, I’ve walked in your shoes; I understand how the instinct to pull away feels like the only way to survive.
When we’re hurting, being present feels impossible. The mind seeks refuge in the past, in the memory of how things were, or projects itself into an uncertain future, leaving us feeling disconnected from the here and now. And yet, staying present is precisely what helps us move through these difficult times. The more we engage with the present moment, even when it hurts, the more we cultivate resilience.
Here are five techniques to help you stay present when all you want to do is retreat:
Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment
One of the first steps in staying present is to acknowledge what you're feeling right now. You might be experiencing a swirl of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, or even numbness. All of these are valid. Don’t tell yourself how you “should” feel. Grief and hardship don’t follow a specific timeline or pattern, and it's okay to have days when you're barely hanging on and others when you feel somewhat "normal."
A key part of this technique is not judging yourself for your emotions. It’s common to think, “I should be stronger,” or “I shouldn’t still be feeling this way.” The truth is you feel what you feel. When we allow ourselves the freedom to experience emotions fully, we prevent them from festering under the surface, where they can grow into something harder to manage. Being present starts with accepting what you're feeling today, even if tomorrow looks completely different.
Ground Yourself with Simple Rituals
When life feels like it’s spinning out of control, grounding yourself through simple, comforting rituals can help bring you back to the present. These rituals can be as small as making a cup of tea, taking a mindful walk, or writing in a journal. The key is to pick activities that soothe you and make you feel anchored, even if only for a few minutes.
For instance, focus on your senses during these activities. Feel the warmth of the cup in your hands, notice the sounds of your surroundings, or concentrate on the rhythm of your breath as you walk. When you connect with these small details, you're less likely to get lost in the spiral of overwhelming thoughts or emotions. These mindful rituals provide a safe space to reconnect with the present, even during the hardest times.
Reach Out to Your Support System, Even When You Don’t Want To
One of the most difficult things to do during challenging times is to reach out for help. It’s common to want to isolate yourself, to hide from the world, and retreat into a cocoon of solitude. However, while solitude can provide space for reflection, long-term isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair.
Your support system is there for a reason. Friends, family, or even professional counselors are invaluable resources, not because they’ll take your pain away, but because they’ll help you carry it. Let them check in on you. Let them provide comfort, even if you don’t have the energy to engage much. Sometimes, just being in the presence of someone who cares can pull you back into the present moment, reminding you that you’re not alone in your experience.
Practice Breathing and Meditation
When you're overwhelmed by emotion, it’s easy to get caught up in the swirl of anxious thoughts and painful feelings. One effective way to bring yourself back to the present is through controlled breathing or meditation. These practices don’t have to be long or complex; even just a few minutes can make a difference.
A simple breathing technique is the "4-7-8" method: breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale slowly for 8 seconds. This practice not only calms your nervous system but also brings your focus back to the current moment. Meditation works similarly. By focusing on your breath or a mantra, you can quiet the noise in your mind and find a place of stillness within. Over time, these practices train your brain to stay grounded, even in the face of distress.
Set Small, Manageable Goals
During difficult times, it’s easy to feel paralyzed, as though the weight of your emotions makes it impossible to move forward. One of the best ways to counter this is by setting small, manageable goals for yourself. These goals can be as simple as “I will get out of bed today,” or “I will take a shower.” Achieving these small tasks can help you feel more grounded and give you a sense of accomplishment, however small it may seem.
It’s important to be gentle with yourself here. You don’t need to make huge strides during tough times. Progress can be as slow as you need it to be. Setting and accomplishing these small goals helps you remain engaged with life rather than feeling like you're passively enduring it.
Difficult times have a way of making us want to withdraw, to hide away from the world and our pain. And while it’s natural to want to retreat, staying present is the key to healing and resilience.
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